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"Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive?"
"Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at."
"Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family."
"What? What? Where's the funny? Give it to me."
"TMI? Too Much Information. It’s just easier to say "TMI". I used to say "don't go there", but that's lame."
"I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third."
"An employee will go home and he'll tell his neighbor, 'Hey, did you get an award?' And the neighbor will say, 'No man, I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me.' Next thing you know, Employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor’s house. Neighbor’s hanged himself... due to lack of recognition."
"Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North" and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace."
"...and I'm sinking a few, swish swish swish- nothing but net! And their jaws just drop to the floor. African Americans!"
"What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no ,no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked."
"Yeah I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?"
"The company has made it my responsibilty today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays."
"You may look around and see two groups here; white collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind."
"Meredith... Meredith... Mary- Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to the office or it will poop on the floor."
"People I respect... heroes of mine would be, Bob Hope. Umm, Abraham Lincoln definitely. Bono... and probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think, all those people helped, the world in so many ways that it’s umm really beyond words. It's incalcucable."
"Incest is bad; racism is bad. ...the more we can encourage interracial dating as a society, the further away we get from incest. Literally."
"Am I going to tell them? No, I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer."
"Thank you very much sir! You are a gentleman and a scholar. ...Oh. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. My mistake. ...That was a woman I was talking to. She has a very low voice. Probably a smoker."
"The most sacred thing I do is care... Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um, yes. Like a specialist."
